My Roller Coaster Life and GOD

I continue to be humbled by Our Father who never fails to show His love for me and provides for me in the most incredible ways. THANK YOU to ALL my amazing family and friends. When the roller coaster ride of this life threatens all I have and even my very sanity, you reassure me with your never ending honesty, love and support. You give me the strength to venture out and get on the ride once more and it is because of you that I actually have some fun doing it. You love me in spite of myself. When I am unforgivable...you forgive me, when I push away..you draw me close, when I can't stand...you support me and when I am unlovable...You love me. You enrich my life beyond measure and I am truly rich in a way that words cannot describe. Love You All!

Home Again

Stress can and will kill! This is why God in His infinite wisdom continually tells us to give things to Him. My brain is not totally processing correctly at this time and stress has indeed taken a great toll on who I am. Through the grace of God, I am back again, albeit not feeling entirely whole. Went to the emergency room on Monday, January 18 with low blood pressure and difficulty breathing and was admitted. Turns out Dr. says I was gravely ill and for a couple days and did not think I would even make it out of the hospital. Not sure why, but God keeps keeping me here. I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, septic blood poisoning, fluid on the lungs, pneumonia, cyst (at this point in time they believe is simple benign cyst) on the pancreas and early onset of COPD. I was released to go home on Tuesday, January 26 with antibiotics and Coumadin…and after having been home about 24 hours needed to go back to ER for extremely low (67/40) blood pressure where I was again admitted into hospital. After getting things back under control including a drop in blood count, I was released to come home today, Saturday, January 30. I have no health insurance and I am sure that the amount of bills relating to this will total more than my home is worth. I know that many have been praying for my health and I would appreciate continued prayers in that area. Now I would also like to ask for prayers for finances. Love to you all for your continuing love and support. Coming home is a wonderful thing and I find that this life becomes more and more about Him. I love being with loved ones and know that God keeps keeping me here. I pray that I will always be able to fulfill His desires and walk whatever path that He desires for me.

Strength and Attitude

Let me preface this by saying that I understand the importance of using everything that is within you to have a good attitude and to give your best each and every day. That being said...
It seems like more and more I hear that you can heal yourself and your life of all its ills by simply being strong and having the "RIGHT" attitude...mind over matter, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, put your big boy/girl pants on, I did it and so can you, your destiny is in your hands, where you are is up to you and your will.
Is that what life is about, being the best, having all the strength on your own, having the right attitude to overcome anything and have anything we desire. It's as if there is no place for a soul whose strength has been used up in the battlefield of life...whose life seems to find daily battles with the evil one...no rest for those who yearn for a break. And how can it be mind over matter when the heart is involved? Can you simply will your heart not to feel, not to care or love..or how about willing your heart to simply not beat? And if we block off feelings to have the right attitude, if we block off caring to move forward or block off love to just get over it...do we not becomes robots, nothing more than mere machines? Do we surrender to people who will think us unworthy or less than because we have moments or days or weeks or months of weakness...are we becoming the throw away people because we can no longer achieve great things..because we are tired, lonely and must struggle just to survive?
I think of One who was perfect who wept at the loss of a friend and who cried out for His cross to be lifted. He could have had approval from everyone and yet He sought approval from only One. Did He not have feelings and where was His compassion..was it not on the lowly, the less than, those without, those who were unable to do it on their own, those who are less than perfect? He was "King of Kings" and He could have had anything or been anyone and yet He washed His disciples' feet, to humble Himself as a lowly servant. He taught as a teacher with a love for His children, teaching them love for one another...and yet He died as one who was considered less than, one who was laughed at and taunted by others, one who had strength and relinquished that strength to His Father. Will we be judged on the strength of our will and mind...or on our hearts and how we love?
If we constantly rely on our own strength, our own power...where does that leave God?
I embrace my weakness for it is then that I can let Him wrap His arms tight around me, lay my head on His chest and close my eyes and ears to the sights and sounds of this world.
Thank you My Father for never getting tired of me or giving up on me or expecting me to have the strength and attitude when all I can do is humbly get on my knees. I rest in You.